Mother's Day helps me appreciate all women

As I have posted quite a bit before, I grew up in a household where I was physically abused ("beaten" may be a better word) by my mother. Several times Child Protective Services and the police department were involved. She always denied the abuse, to outside people as well as me. About 11 years or so ago, I attempted to talk to her about this when I made amends to her. I did it in the most loving way possible, but she stopped talking to me at that point. Since then, she has had absolutely no contact with me whatsoever - negative, positive or otherwise. She does keep in contact with my brother but not me.

People that know my history always seem to ask me how I handle Mother's Day, wondering if it's hard for me. For the first several years, yes, it was incredibly painful. Her birthday is always the week before Mother's Day, so it felt like a double whammy. I do need to talk about the other side of her, though. She wasn't horrible to me every single second I was with her. In fact, there were many times she was a good mother. Of course, in a typical abuse situation, we know there are always times when the abuser is wonderful. And that she was, at times. I have these great memories of my mother braiding my hair, teaching me how to cook, hugging me as we sat on the couch. It let me know she was a human being who was sick because of how she acted in the other moments.

Today, because I am in a program of recovery and a Christian, I have really learned about love. Not her love for me, but my love for her and about God's love for all of His children. She did abuse me and left physical and emotional scars that are still in the process of healing, but I was not broken. Almost, but not quite. Today, I do not have a relationship with my mother. But, I do pray for her, God knows I pray for her. Maybe not every day, but quite often. I pray that she find peace and that she finds God's grace. I pray that her life is good today, wherever she is living and in whatever circumstance. I pray that she is healthy and happy. She was horrible to me, but I pray for her with love. That doesn't mean I don't have issues to work through in relation to her, but I will continue doing that probably for a long time to come. Part of moving on is really about forgiveness ... for her and for me. I continue to work on the me part more than anything else.

In the meantime, I have these fantastic women in my life who just amaze me and really show me what it is like to be a decent woman. They teach me, just by their examples and love for me, how truly blessed I am. Whether it's my stepmother, dear friends or acquaintances, I have plenty of women in my life who have really stepped up in role as "mother" in different ways. My relationship with my mother has been toxic, but my relationships with the women in my life today are beautiful. So, Happy Mother's Day to all you women out there. Whether you are a mother or not, you touch the lives of others in immeasurable ways and I sincerely thank you for that.