Feeling nervous and emotionally spent

I have to deliver my last speech for my speech class tonight and I'm nervous! It's crazy ... I routinely speak in front of classes and auditoriums full of kids but put me in front of a class with 20 peers and a professor and I find myself with nervous nellies. Oh well, it's the last speech and not really a big deal in the big scheme of it all.

It's been a rough day for me. I had the day off of work today, but found myself in tears. My sponsor gave me an assignment a couple of weeks ago that I have been doing major procrastinating on because I didn't want to do it, but I did finally finish it last night. It was to tell her exactly what I say to myself when the negative self-talk goes on. So that's exactly what I did. I didn't make it sound nice at all, as was my nature so that I could hide it. Instead, I said exactly what I tell myself and it was heartbreaking. Reading it back to myself, I could really see how much I hate me - my body, my attractiveness, my intelligence. Of course, these are all things that I perceive, but it was just utterly cruel what I ended up with when all was said and done. And she was so kind and loving with what she wrote back to me, giving me suggestions on how I can take care of myself. One was to print out the e-mail and to write a the top of it, "I love you, Sunny." Then, put it in my God box. So, I did print it out, I did write that message and I just sobbed as I opened the lid of my God box. Now that I have this all out there with my sponsor, I have other assignments to do to work with all of this. The truth of the matter is that a compulsive overeater who gets to be big is not just about eating too much food. No ... it's much worse than that and it takes tremendous courage to walk through it. It's the sort of courage I thought I didn't possess. But I do.