Seeing myself on video

For the speech class I'm taking right now, we're required to have 2 of our speeches videotaped and then watch them back at home for a self-critique. I'm not sure what made me more nervous ... delivering the actual speech or the idea of watching myself back on the computer. I just watched it and I was saddened. I have gained weight back and I could see it on my body when watching the tape. My immediate reaction, like a true compulsive overeater, was to try to do something to take away the feelings I was having about watching myself with more weight on my poor body. No wonder my back has been hurting more and my feet ache more at the end of the day. I thought, hmm, maybe I should go change my clothes so that I can fit in a long workout before bed. No matter what, I do not have the much needed power to make this all go away overnight, nor in any way at all. However, I do have the power to acknowledge how it made me feel. I have to face the facts that I need to work my program more strongly and perhaps be a little bit more honest with myself about my food choices. Even abstinent food can cause weight gain! I don't want to continue going in this direction. Before I go to bed tonight, I commit to praying and asking God to help me remember that I have power over certain things and no power whatsoever over other things. For now, I get to deal with how I'm feeling about that video. And, before I discount it entirely, I do have to say that I delivered a pretty great little speech. You couldn't even tell I was nervous at all and I can see how I earned that 97 out of a 100 grade. I felt really good about that and I don't want to be so self-indulgent that I forget to acknowledge how far I really have come with the public speaking thing.