I've had a full day, so I'm just winding down right now. Took this picture of my two sweet kitties. They always let me know it's getting late when they start curling down next to where I'm sitting and sleep on top of each other. Listening to their breathing in a quiet room at the end of the day brings about so much peace. I've been doing a lot of studying for my statistics exam on Saturday, but thoughts of this whole situation with my sponsor has been on my mind a lot so it makes it pretty difficult to focus on standard deviations (on the other hand, who in their right mind wants to focus on that anyway??).
I went to a meeting today and my sponsee was also there. It was nice to sit next to her. I can't imagine doing to her what was done to me, but I guess everybody is different. I did share in the meeting a little bit about what has happened, except I didn't go into very many details because many of the people in the room know who my sponsor is. I didn't want to be gossipy, just wanted to focus on how I was feeling. As I started talking, I really realized how hurt I am. Not only that this happened, but that I didn't take care of myself sooner and spoken up before this. If I'm honest, things have not been right with my sponsor for many months, if not a year or more. If I am going to work with a sponsor, and who knows what that is going to look like, I need someone who is actually available to me and commits to making the time for me. The thing that drove me the most nuts was calling on the scheduled days and times and getting a voicemail about half the time. Beyond that, I realized today how much I grew with her. She was the first person in my life that I really, truly trusted in a no-holds-barred sort of way. I will always be grateful to her for that, but the hurt is also pretty substantial. Time heals, I know that. I don't want to revert back. I can't.
Tomorrow, I'm planning on going to a Good Friday service at my church at noon and then to a meeting in the evening. At this time of year, I get reminded that God loves me so much and sacrificed a great deal for me. I know this every day when I think about the journeys in my life. Always must I rely on my faith to see me through anything in my life. With that, I have nothing to fear, including this lesson on how imperfect we all really are.
I went to a meeting today and my sponsee was also there. It was nice to sit next to her. I can't imagine doing to her what was done to me, but I guess everybody is different. I did share in the meeting a little bit about what has happened, except I didn't go into very many details because many of the people in the room know who my sponsor is. I didn't want to be gossipy, just wanted to focus on how I was feeling. As I started talking, I really realized how hurt I am. Not only that this happened, but that I didn't take care of myself sooner and spoken up before this. If I'm honest, things have not been right with my sponsor for many months, if not a year or more. If I am going to work with a sponsor, and who knows what that is going to look like, I need someone who is actually available to me and commits to making the time for me. The thing that drove me the most nuts was calling on the scheduled days and times and getting a voicemail about half the time. Beyond that, I realized today how much I grew with her. She was the first person in my life that I really, truly trusted in a no-holds-barred sort of way. I will always be grateful to her for that, but the hurt is also pretty substantial. Time heals, I know that. I don't want to revert back. I can't.
Tomorrow, I'm planning on going to a Good Friday service at my church at noon and then to a meeting in the evening. At this time of year, I get reminded that God loves me so much and sacrificed a great deal for me. I know this every day when I think about the journeys in my life. Always must I rely on my faith to see me through anything in my life. With that, I have nothing to fear, including this lesson on how imperfect we all really are.
2 comments:
Hi again :). I am once again so sorry for your hurt. What I heard in your post is that you didn't recognize the poor behavior of your sponsor. I'm so sorry for that. I know you know that goes back to the abuse in your life and it's so hard as adults now to stand up for ourselves when we never learned or received the guidance to do this as children. I'm in that exact same spot. It's very difficult.
I believe from this point on you'll recognize the signs much quicker when someone is not treating you properly and speak up. That gives opportunity for the issues to be exposed and resolved. The situation between you and your sponsor may have still ended the same but that's not so much because of your stuff. She had stuff too and sometimes it all gets in the way and there is nothing we can do about it.
It sounds like her time in your life was for a season. That season has passed and now, you're entering a new season. Yes, time will heal this hurt but only if you continue to do the work with the time. Time itself does not heal anything. It's what you do with the time and you're doing great work!
I'll continue to pray for the hurt to heal and for peace that passes all understanding.
Have a wonderful weekend as we reflect on Jesus and His greatest act of love for us.
Blessings my friend!
Im glad that although youre feeling hurt, youre able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Karen has given you great advice and I too, will continue to pray for you :)
Post a Comment