Today is a new set of 24 hours

Thank you to those who shared their thoughts with me, both in the form of support and "me, too". One thing that is so comforting is the knowledge that I am never alone with my feelings. That means so much to me.

Today I am doing pretty good. I've still got the physical ailments going on, but I got to sleep in this morning, it's a bright beautiful day down here in sunny San Diego and I don't have to work today. I get to wake up abstinently and go about my day, encountering whatever opportunities God puts in front of me.

Speaking of work, I do need to give an update of what's going on there. Most people who do not live in California had heard that we are having a budget crisis (along with much of the nation). Our education system, my profession, is being severely cut. In my high school alone, 49% of our teaching staff were given pink slips. That means that they will be doing a lot of shifting from other schools. My position, I thought, was safe. I have been working in the district for almost 20 years so I thought there was no way I was going to be cut. Yet, there were so many drastic things happening in and out of our district that I just didn't now. I am not part of certificated staff, so things could be much different. I work in the counseling department, but I'm not a counselor. So, our principal called all of us into a meeting and basically lowered the boom in one fell swoop. That was what all the principals were doing in our district - not one on one meetings but group meetings. I don't have a husband and I don't live with anyone else, so it's not as if I have anything to fall back on. It's just me or me. Anyway, long story trying to be a little bit shorter, my job is safe. But my eyes welled up because at least 5 people in that room will be losing their jobs. Add that to the teachers and the counselors who have already received official notification (ours was preliminary but certain unless there is a windfal) and it wasn't good. Our state is having a special election in May and if not everything is passed, which we're pretty certain won't happen, things will be worse. There are things people are considering, like work furloughs, but it's not good right now.

The last several days has left me feeling raw and not wanting to eat. In fact, not intentional or at least conscious, I have not had breakfast or lunch for all of last week. I'd run out of the house in the morning, not eat breakfast and then not have lunch. Even if I brought something in, it would take me 3 hours to eat at my desk because of constant interruptions (life at a high school!!) so I wouldn't bother. By the time I would get home from work after a 10-12 hour day, I'd be absolutely famished. It's a cycle that I cannot continue as a compulsive overeater and one that is potentially life threatening to me as a diabetic.

I am not here to moan and complain - I promise! I just need to get out what is inside of me. I do so at meetings, too, but it's important for me to do my writing. Of all the tools of the OA program, I find that writing is the best tool for me. Although I don't love to do it, I get the most benefit out of it. Anyway, here I am for today. I am feeling so much better than in recent days emotionally and spiritually, remembering my faith in God. As I was reminded recently, some of us who are very faithfull sometimes go astray and give into the fear. I have a bunch of sermons from my church on my MP3, which I listen to in the in the car, and the pastor was talking about Elijah, a prophet of great faith who ran in fear for a part of his life until he was able to turn to God to reach out for help. I am not a perfect person and so I need to do the same.

Today, I will be working on a speech that I need to present on Monday evening and studying statistics. However, I do commit to at least going an OA noon meeting and to church this evening. We have a great Saturday night service that is full of a bunch of young people jammin and having an awesome time while worshipping. Just my speed. Wherever you are reading this from, I pray that you find a few minutes to enjoy the day and to take care of yourself. I vow to do the same.