Been insanely busy

Last night I was at an OA meeting and we did a reading from one of the books that talked about the steps and tools being key to recovery. The author talked about all the things she used to do when she first got abstinent from compulsive overeating. Then, over time, she wasn't as diligent in doing them. As a result, she gained back some weight, even while being abstinent, and feeling not as peaceful internally. I completely identified with what she said. When I was first abstinent, I was so on it about doing step work every day, using the tools every day and making recovery priority one.

Where am I now? I have gained weight while being abstinent and sometimes I do feel emotionally removed from the program. Not something I like, that's for sure. In the mornings, I barley have enough time to get ready, even though I do have a sponsee call me. I used to read 4 meditation books, pray and still had time for everything else, including eating breakfast (which has really been hit or miss lately). Things in my life have just been too impossible lately. For example, I had a 5-chapter exam in Statistics today (which was a killer!) and I have a 5-chapter exam in Speech Monday. A test on 5 chapters in a college course is not exactly easy, but then double it and it leaves me feeling a little overwhelmed. At work, it has been so busy that I can't even describe it in words. On top of that, our counseling staff got word this week that we will likely lose at least two counselors, if not another one, leaving about half the counselors we already have. They are all my friends and my heart is just breaking for them. The state budget is wreaking havoc in education and this is just the beginning. My job may be in jeopardy, too. It's unlikely since I've been with the school district for almost 20 years, but there is a possibility that they could lay off all classified employees, which would eliminate my bumping rights.

On the good news front, I have decided that it's time for me to buy a house. Condo might be more like it, but still. I have been wanting to do it for so long, but there's much fear involved in the process for me. Yet, now is the time. Actually, I'm not going to do it now - I'm extending my current lease here for 6 months to give myself time to do my homework and to find out what happens with the job situation. I don't want to make such a huge purchase without doing some research. If I jump feet first, I feel like I would regret it. I qualify for the first-time homebuyers' $8,000 tax break from the stimulus package, so that is a huge incentive for me. I believe there are other things I qualify for as well because, at this point, I don't have the extra funds for down/closing costs. I know there are programs out there to help with that so we shall see. I ran my FICO score and I'm actually doing very well there, which surprised me. It shouldn't, though, because I've been doing a lot of work to clean that all up from past mistakes. There is one thing I need to dispute on the report, but it still leaves me with good interest rates. I'm putting all of this in God's capable hands. Meanwhile, I'm doing the footwork that I can do. It's exciting, but it's also very scary!

So, I am committing to giving my program (i.e. me) more time. I will get up earlier, even if it's just by 15 minutes, so that I can minimally pray and read "For Today". Who knows if I'll add more in the future, but for now that is what I can do and I commit to do. Oh, and eating breakfast ... I must, I must, I must.