I'm so close, please pray

One of the houses that I submitted an offer for is a foreclosure. It was priced very low, which was a sign, according to my realtor, that the bank is interested in having prices driven up, meaning a bidding war. My realtor has a relationship with the seller's realtor, so she gave him my story including our frustration since investors are swooping in with cash and pushing people who want a home out of the market. He let her know that there were over 50 offers submitted (as of the time she spoke with him), but that I was the highest one. However, there was an offer coming in that is going to be in the ballpark of mine. He would call her and let her know so that I could adjust my offer if I needed to.

This morning, I took a friend of mine over there after church so that she could look at it, at least from the outside. When we drove up to the front of the house, someone had put some X's and notes in colored chalk on the front of the house by the door, as if they already had plans made. I don't know if that was to psych someone out or because they have they house already, but we're not supposed to hear until after tomorrow and certainly before Friday. I have e-mailed my realtor to find out more, but I'm nervous about losing the house.

I have been trying so hard to not get emotionally attached to any of the houses, but that's hard for me to do. This is the housing market and it is a business. However, there are human beings involved. I'm not looking for a castle, really. It's a very simple 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom home, 935 square feet. It's perfect for me as a starter home and it's cute. It just needs some cosmetic updates, which I can do over time. It's the first house that I have walked into during my search so far that gave me that feeling you get when you know it's the right place. I've bid on others and I'll be perfectly happy if I get them (they're short sales so who knows how long it will be), but this is the one that I felt a real connection to. My friend asked if we could pray. So, we stood in front of the house, hands held, eyes closed and she said a beautiful prayer which made me cry. I was so touched by her lovely words.

This is not about being material in owning a piece of property. Yes, it's an investment, but right now it's not the most important thing about this whole process for me. This is about me finally living in a place I can call my home. Except for a time when I was too young to remember, I have never even lived in a house for my entire life and I'm 37 now. In fact, as nice as the apartment is where I live now, I have nothing hung up on the wall and it doesn't feel like my home ... it's just a place where I stay. I so achingly want a home. I know it comes with work, but if you've never lived in a rental where you are at the beck and call of landlord, you will never know how this feels. It's a dream and it feels so close. So, if you have it in your heart to do so, please pray for me. I am seeking God's will throughout all of this. My soul is full of love for Him and I do trust that someday I will find a home, whether it is this one or another. My thanks to you in advance. Now I'm off to put all of this in my God box.

610-pound man no more

Did anyone catch the story of the 610-pound man who lost 410 pounds on the Today show? If not, HERE'S A LINK. He lost the weight by altering his diet and exercise, meaning no surgery. What struck me was how low his bottom was and how much he glows now. It broke my heart to know that, for example, he was contemplating suicide. He wanted to float down a river in a swimming pool and light his body on fire with gasoline because he felt that was what he deserved. Who deserves that? Yet, I remember feeling the same exact way. I never contemplated suicide, but I had feelings just as low. Oh, how much that must have hurt God, knowing that one of His children hated herself so much. Yet, I'm sure that I wasn't the only one and I know there must be people living in that state of internal torment now. It is so wonderful to see such a miraculous story. And, truly, it can be nothing else but a miracle.

How does one get to 610 pounds? Oh, I don't know, but I got to 385 pounds. How did I get there? I never saw myself as big as I actually was. I believe they call it Super Obese. Of course, I also never looked very long in the mirror because I was so ashamed. However, there comes a time in the life of every compulsive overeater when you hit your bottom with a big thump. There are crossroads ... do you continue living that miserable existence, end it all or do something about it? I wish I could say that I have had the miracle to the degree that this man has because I do have a lot of weight left to lose. However, I have had my own miracle and that is the grace of God. With that, I can continue to do something about it.

Get a God box today!

What is a God box, you ask? My take on it is that it is simply a method of sending your prayers up to God. For me, personally, it is a way of physically giving my fears, hopes, concerns, sorrow, joys and so much more to God to handle.

Some people make their God boxes very ornate. I always make mine in the KISS format ... Keep It Simple Silly (I don't like calling anything stupid). In fact, this box on the left is a picture of my actual box, well used as you can see. I have a funny story behind it. Working in a high school, I am given many gifts at various times of the year. Last Christmas, maybe even the one before, I was given a gift of various size boxes filled to the brim with candy. Although candy is not a binge food, I choose not to eat it. So, instead of being excited about all that candy, I was more excited about the boxes. Is that recovery for you or what?? Anyway, I gave away what I could, dumped the rest and kept the boxes. When I started working with my new sponsor, she told me to create a God Box, which I hadn't been using for quite some time. So, I went into my closet and spotted the boxes. I now I keep it on my desk where I have paper and I write frequently.

In fact, I just used it because I'm putting an offer on a house I really want in about a half an hour. I had to jump through some hoops on this one, including being pre-approved through another lender, and have to bid significantly higher than the asking price since it's a foreclosure. So, feeling a little anxious, I quickly went to my paper and quickly wrote a prayer to God. Then, folding up the paper, I opened the lid and said out loud, "God, I give this worry to you to handle. You know my name, you know the desire of my heart, but your will, not mine, be done." I need to say things out loud sometimes to get it out of my body. Weird, I know, but that's me. Now I can go over to the realtor's office in peace knowing it's out of my hands now.

Please, for the sake of sanity and peace, get a God box. Give it a try. It really does work and will strengthen your relationship with Him.

What do you mean I have defects?

UB, you are so right when you said house hunting is a huge stressor. The way the market is right now, it is causing mega stress. Along with that have been feelings of anxiety, frustration, anger, sadness, depression, jubilation, excitement and around and around. I'm a first time home buyer. I've never lived in a house before, except when I was too young to remember. So, I have these dreams to be in my first home and stop renting. It doesn't have to be a big house, just a starter will do. But, the market has brought out vultures, greediness and people taking advantage. That means it's very tough go for a person like me. I'm competing with many people. I've wanted to bid on houses, but when my realtor contacted the listing agent, there have been times when 57 offers have been received, on one piece of crap property, let alone something nice. How am I to compete?

Meanwhile, my character defects that I have hung onto, even in little spurts, are presenting themselves. What, me, impatient? Never! I know, the people who know me in real life are laughing. Yes, Sunny is an impatient girl. I went to an OA meeting yesterday and the topic was the Seventh Step: Humbly asked God to remove all our defects of character. I laughed when I heard the topic. Of course God is working in my life, in all ways. Through all of this, I have been praying, asking God to grant me patience and peace, to show me His will and help me to align with it. If I don't get a property, it's because God has a different plan for me. The bottom line is God knows my name, He knows what is in my heart and He knows I am faithful.

Prayer gives me such peace. And when I get in the craziness again, all I have to do is stop and close my eyes, invite Him into my heart. Amazingly the peace comes again. I am putting in another offer, along with the other three I have out there on properties, and will keep trekking onward, always asking God to lead me. In the meantime, I will continue asking God, with all the humbleness in my heart, to help me with these defects of character that no longer serve a useful purpose for me. The truth is, I have such joy in my life today. I mean, imagine me, the worst of them in all (at least that's how I view myself when I'm in my disease) in the position to buy a house. How great is God???

Always remember God is in charge

That is something I always have to remind myself of when things get frustrating or if they don't go the way I want them to go. I was taking a water aerobics class that I had to stop due to doctor's orders. Years ago, I was in a horrible auto accident in which one of my knees got slammed into the dashboard, causing permanent damage. I went through a lot of physical therapy but I knew it was something that I would have to live with for the rest of my life. I figured water aerobics was a great way for me to get exercise outside during the summer with little impact to my knee. Unfortunately, it was enough of an impact to cause me significant pain each day. Since the class met 4 days in a row, Monday through Thursday, by the end of the week, the pain was so excruciating that it left me crying from the sheer physical torment.

So, anyway, I went to see a doctor. He told me the first thing I needed to do was to stop the class. At that news, I nearly cried. I so love being in the water. The water made me feel weightless, like size didn't matter and I could have fun. I was starting to get to know the women and men in the class and just having a good time. However, I do know my overall health is what is important. I decided that after a period of resting, along with the meds and heat therapy he gave me, I'll go into one of the pools in my complex and do some exercises with less jumping around.

Meanwhile, on the house hunting front, things are just insane. Right now, it is both a buyer's and seller's market. If you've ever watched any of those shows on HGTV, like My First Place or Property Virgins, you really get a skewed version of what things are really like. Gone are the days that you look at properties and you put one offer in, waiting for a call back within a day or two. Beyond that, not all the places you tour are in such pristine condition. In fact, you'll see dirty dishes, used underwear lying around, so much work that needs to be done as well as some properties that are in move-in condition.

What's happening, at least in my experience, is that you have to act fast on things as soon as they come on the market. Here's an example: yesterday I went out with a friend and my realtor and we looked at 6 more properties. I found one I really loved and was willing to overlook the very pepto-pink and sunrise-yellow bathrooms. We get back to my realtor's office, within about 2 hours, pull up the comps in the neighborhood and I decide on my offer. She picks up the phone to call the listing agent and we found out in that span of time that 35 offers above the asking price had been made and now the house was off the market. The house had just been listed that morning! Insane, I'm telling you.

My realtor has told me not to be discouraged. Truly, and I really mean this, I am not. I have been having a good attitude. If it is meant for me to have a house in question, then I will have it. God knows my name, He knows what is in my heart and I am doing my footwork. That's the best I can do. It actually was a relief to not have to deal with those bathrooms!! In the meantime, I've got offers out there on 3 different houses, one a foreclosure and the other two are short sales. For the foreclosure, there are four offers on the table including mine. I should hear about that one much sooner than the short sales.

In the meantime, I'll keep moving forward. There's a certain peace about me that I have not had in other times in my life. That is due to OA and my faith in God. I'll keep working on getting a house, focusing on my 12-step program of recovery and enjoying my summer vacation (which I know I already am when I don't know the date or the day!).

I'm nervous!!

I'm putting an offer down on two houses today and I'm incredibly nervous. What's that about? Actually, I know what it's about ... I want either one of them, badly. I'm trying to not get too emotionally involved, but it's too late. I'm very excited, hopeful and wanting this so much. God, I'm putting this up to You. I trust that You will help me know what Your will is.

I am done with the apartment living, though. Here's a little list to help remind me to stay strong on this:

• I will no longer be throwing my money away. In fact, owning a home will put a lot more money in my pocket not only in monthly expenses (it'll be cheaper for me to buy vs. rent), but I'll get back a lot in my taxes.
• I won't have people looking inside my apartment as they walk past my back patio. Oh my goodness is that annoying.
• I won't be hearing my upstairs neighbor having sex. Yes, I can hear it.
• I won't be paying pet rent any longer, a very greedy thing apartments do now so that people can live with their pets. It costs me $50 each month for my cats to live in my home.
• I can paint the walls. My walls here are so stark white.
• I can plant a flower in the ground. Trust me, when you don't have the option to do it, you definitely miss it.
• My new home will be mine (and the bank's).

My house hunting adventure

Oh my goodness, who ever said house hunting is fun?? To an extent, it is fun to go in and envision what you might do. But, truly, there's frustration, too. Here's a short account of what happened yesterday:

House #1: This one had dirt all over the place, old appliances in the kitchen, no fridge, very small bedrooms, closets barely wide enough to fit a stand-up vacuum, tiny bathrooms, barren backyard. It was at the top of my price range and my realtor told me it would be the best one I'd see that day. She wasn't kidding.

House #2: This is a short-sale, but the renters were there when we came in. They huddled the kids on the couch and watched us as we moved from room to room. I felt like I was stealing their home! There was a statue of Jesus on the cross on the wall the size of a bulletin board and it felt like it was watching me in every room, too! The cabinets didn't close all the way, they look like the originals from the 50's, the backyard had graffiti on it (a sign that maybe the neighborhood wasn't the best), and it smelled.

House #3: Cute, but no garage, on a very busy street that takes an easy 5-minutes to pull out of when there's no traffic, no washer/dryer hookups or place to do laundry, no appliances in the tiny kitchen.

House #4: Sold while we were on the road, so went on to the next.

House #5: Only made it through the front gate because no one would answer the door - the tenants were home, cars in the garage, but no one would come out. I wasn't crazy about it from the outside, so maybe that wasn't a bad thing.

House #6: We drove to the address, but the house sitting on the land was nowhere near the picture we had and it didn't have a sign outside. We moved on.

House #7: We were only allowed to do a drive by, not showing until Tuesday. Cute from the outside I guess.

House #8: OMG, a total nightmare. The house had bugs crawling, cobwebs several inches thick, an unpermitted extra room that would have to be torn down, the one bathroom would never be something I'd walk in with shoes on let alone take a shower in, hardwood floors creaked and were spongy as you walked on them. Next.

House #9: Funny one ... we pulled up and someone else was looking at the property. An agent pulled in behind us and then we found out, before we even walked in the door, that 57 offers were already on the table. We piled back in the car and zoomed out of there.

House #10: This one probably had 10-15 people living there. The tenants, who only spoke another language, were there when we came in. Bunk beds, single beds, couches were piled in the front room. It was obvious many people slept there. We couldn't go into all the rooms because people were sleeping. The kitchen counters all needed to be replaced - cracked tiles, discolored. The stove top was old and crusty. The pool was green, and I'm sure it was not meant to be that color.

However, today I found two great gems when I decided to open my search up to condos/townhomes that didn't have neighbors above or below me. In fact, I walked into these two places and knew right away that I had to put an offer in so that's what I'm doing for both. They are short sales, with prices more than half the cost of the original purchase price. Gated community, granite countertops, stainless steel, alarm system, travertine floors, little backyard, just beautiful. Through all of this, I am staying positive. I know that if it is meant to be, it will be. Of course, I'm doing my footwork, but the results are truly up to God. Thank you, OA, for constantly reminding me of that.